Cross
XWF NERF Member
Posts: 130
Registered: Jan 2010 |
 Posted January 8th, 2010 07:49 PM IP   
PRESENT DAY:
(The scene opens on the exterior of the Norfolk, Virginia Police Department. Cross, the new guy of the PWE, steps out onto the busy sidewalk. He gets odd looks, mainly because A: he is dressed in a ninja outfit (sans mask), complete with plastic weapons tucked in the belt, and B: on this ninja suit are splatters of some white substance. He hails a cab and slides into the backseat, where the camera joins him. He looks like a kid fresh from the candy store. A voice from behind the camera speaks.)
Camera Guy: “I am SO pissed at you right now. I’ve never been arrested before. My wife is going to kill me.”
(Cross looks directly into the camera.)
Cross: “Are you kidding? That…was…EPIC! And totally worth 48 hours of community service.”
(He laughs a deep, hearty laugh. He seems to be on top of the world. Wonder what could make a guy so happy? What shenanigans would Cross and a hapless PWE camera guy get into? Maybe a flashback would shed some light on the subject? Screen warbles…)
*Thursday, January 7th, 2010, 9:05 A.M.*
(Once the screen is done warbling we see Cross driving a minivan in a business section of Norfolk, Virginia. Camera Guy is sitting in the passenger seat so we see Cross from the side as he is driving. He is wearing the ninja outfit (sans mask) seen previously. He looks over at the camera and grins, but says nothing. After a few moments of silence…)
Camera Guy: “Uh, this is a little different than my usual gig.”
Cross: “It should be dude, things are going to be different around here, beginning with my debut to the PWE fans in my first match! I do know one thing: It’s great to be getting back into the ring. I feel so…alive, again. Turns out it’s going to be a three-way match between myself, Derek Hardaway and another newcomer, David Graves. This match is so huge for me, so important to make a great first impression on the PWE staff, fans, and most importantly, my opponents’ faces. I can’t wait; the anticipation just might kill me! Some folks might be wondering why I so totally look forward to getting in the ring with big, burly men who want to break my face, but let me tell ya Camera Guy…”
(He glances at the camera and raises his eyebrows.)
Cross: “It’s what I was born to do. First to wrestle, and take it to a whole new level, to test my determination, and to entertain the people at home. If I can make display effing sweet wrestling skills and entertain them, even for the length of a wrestling show, then my job is done.”
(A few minutes and some driving later…)
Cross: “So, Camera Guy, why did the ninja cross the
road?”
Camera Guy: “Uh…”
(Cross pulls the minivan over to the side of the street. He grabs the mask to his outfit and tucks it over his head.)
Cross: “To introduce himself to his new bosses!”
(Cross points to the building at which they have arrived. It’s the PWE corporate offices.)
Camera Guy: “This is a bad idea. And that joke wasn’t funny.”
Cross: “Last one in’s a rotten egg!”
(Cross hops out of the minivan and runs across the street. He turns around and gives the camera two thumbs up, then runs inside. Camera Guy still hasn’t gotten out of the minivan. He sighs.)
Camera Guy: “I don’t get paid enough for this…”
(And then we are running across the street, following Cross as he steps in the front door, where a receptionist and two security guards immediately step in front of the man dressed as a ninja. They see him as a threat, & I wonder why?)
Receptionist: “I’m sorry sir, you can’t-“
(The security guards are closing in. Cross pulls out a small vial with the ninja-quickness and slams it on the ground. Everyone in the room immediately starts to gag.)
Cross: “Ahh! SMOKE bomb, not STINK bomb!”
(He pulls out another vial and our view turns completely gray. There are sounds of a scuffle and some inarticulate yelling…)
TEN MINUTES LATER:
Cross: *whispering* “Wow, that was close.”
(We are creeping along what appears to be a ventilation shaft. Cross’s black-clad butt and the metallic gray walls are all we see. Camera Guy is whispering to himself.)
Camera Guy: “I’m going to get fired I’m going to get fired I’m going to get fired…”
(They climb over a vent and stop. Cross spins around so the vent is between the two men. Cross is facing the camera now. He has lost his mask somewhere. He puts his finger to his lips in a ‘shhhh’ gesture and points down. There is a security guard in the hallway keeping a wary eye around him. Cross slowly and silently removes the vent and drops down the guard, landing deftly on his feet. We watch from above as Cross strikes an awesome Mortal Kombat pose (or Power Ranger pose, depending on your generation) and karate chops the guard on the back of the neck.)
Security Guard: “Ouch!”
(Instead of collapsing to the floor, he spins around, rubbing his neck.)
Security Guard: “That hurt! And who the hell are you!?”
(Cross looks at his own hand, still in karate chop position.)
Cross: “Huh. That should have worked.”
(Then he turns his attention on the Security Guard, who is pulling a Tazer out of his belt.)
Cross: “Uhh…dude. Let me by. Don’t make me ninja you!”
(The Security Guard closes in. Camera Guy moves closer over the opening to get a better shot.)
Cross: “Let me by and I will give you this awesome ancient ninja weapon!”
(Cross grabs something out of his ninja belt and holds it up. Camera Guy moves over the opening even more.)
Security Guard: “You’re not a ninja. And that’s a cell phone.”
(The Security Guard is now directly under Camera Guy. The camera starts to shake and wobble. Then we are spinning downwards as Camera Guy lets out a shout. When he lands we are looking back up at the hole in the ventilation shaft.)
Cross: “Yes! Well done, Camera Guy!”
(After a few dizzying moments we are back upright and looking down at the unconscious guard.)
Camera Guy: “I didn’t mean to…”
(Cross grabs him by the arm, and then we are huffing and puffing along with Camera Guy down a hallway. Cross
stops in front of a door marked EXECUTIVE.)
Cross: “We’re here! Let’s say hi!”
(Cross reaches for the doorknob, but Camera Guy grabs his arm.)
Camera Guy: “Wait a minute, have you thought this out? I mean, REALLY thought it out?”
Cross: “Of course I have! What’s the worst possible thing that could happen?”
(And then for a brief moment we are in Cross’s brain, picturing the worst possible thing that could happen. Cross opens the door, and it turns out that the Executives of the PWE also have a day job being the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. There are dozens of them in here on fluffy couches playfully batting each other with pillows. Feathers are floating about everywhere. Cross’s eyes open wide and a tear builds up in the corner of his eye.)
Cross: “So...beautiful…”
(Several of the giggling, scantily clad chicks stroll up to Cross.)
Fantasy Cheerleader: “Cross, we’re so glad you’re here! We were having a pillowfight and we need a referee! Are you busy?”
(VOIP! Back to reality as Cross is reaching for the doorhandle. Instead, the door opens from the other side and a tall, skinny, balding man in a suit and tie stands there. Cross blinks a second as if surprised to see him there. The Exec speaks in a snooty tone with his nose in the air.)
Exec: “Yes?
(Cross brushes back his hair (which is now a moot point as his long, black hair is completely wild) and puts out his hand.)
Cross: “Hi, I’m Cross, the new guy in the PWE! I am so happy to be here!”
(The Exec looks down as Cross’s hand with the same look that is on your face when you find a hair in your food.)
Exec: “I’m sorry, employees aren’t allowed here.”
(Cross’s eyes widen.)
Cross: “Employees? Employees! I got all ninja’d out and risked bodily harm stealthing through your security just to say hi and I don’t even get a handshake?!”
(Cross doesn’t look happy about this. The Exec just stands there being a douchebag Exec. Cross points a
finger at him.)
Cross: “You…you know what?! You might have a thousand dollar starched suit…you might have more money in a day than most people make in a year…”
(Camera Guy hears something, then we spin around and see a dozen security guards rushing down the hallway. Then we spin back to Cross and the Exec. Cross is still on
his tirade.)
Cross: “You might have a dozen security guards about to bum rush me…But I’ve got something YOU DON’T have…”
(Cross reaches just off-screen and a giant cream pie (cherry included) is in his hand. He splats the Exec right in the face with it!)
Cross: “COMEDIC TIMING!”
(At that moment the security guards rush in, and everything is a mass of bodies and whipped cream (the Exec ended up it the pile somehow) as we fade back to…)
*CURRENT DAY*
(Now we are getting out of the taxicab. Cross removes the parking ticket from his minivan. It is painted green and brown like a turtle shell and decorated with those animated heroes from the late 80’s, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.)
Cross: “C’mon dude, hop in the Turtle Van. Now I don’t know much about this David Graves guy, nor does he know much about me. But we are in the same boat, our first match, our first opportunity in the PWE. Good luck to you, Mr. Graves because you’re going to need it. It will be nothing personal when I have to STICK NASTY then Crossify you, or maybe just make you TAP OUT. Someone has to come out of this a winner Mr. Graves and I hate to ruin your first match, but it won’t be you.”
(Cross shrugs his shoulders.)
Cross: “Regarding this fellow Derek Hardaway…he is a little more well-known round these parts, and is friends with Chris Jacobs, and this is not a good thing. I’m assuming Hardaway is just as bad. I’ve watched some videos and seen the foul things you do. You must be purified, Hardaway. You’re a stain on the PWE, the fans want nothing to do with you, and I would be more than glad to satisfy the fans and attain my first victory by making you TAP OUT.”
Camera Guy: “What about the Road to Glory?”
(Cross puts his index finger in the air.)
Cross: “One thing at a time, grasshoppa, one thing at a time. The Road to Glory will no doubt BE glorious, but first we must concentrate on the task at hand. Solitary is before me, and I must first dismantle two guys this coming Wednesday.”
Camera Guy: “You keep saying this is gonna be huge, but it’s just an opening match on Solitary. Not like it’s Clash of the Champions or anything.”
(Cross gives him a ‘you must not understand ‘ look.)
Cross: “Sure, it won’t be important to everyone, not a large part of the roster, or many of the fans. But it’s EPIC for me. And that’s enough.”
(Cross starts the Turtle Van and skids out into traffic, almost slamming into a Chevy Malibu. Camera Guy can be heard whispering a prayer.)
Cross: “Hold on bro, I’ve got a plane to catch! Fame, fortune, victory, and Colorado Springs, here I come!”
(Fade to black.)
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