Blizzard
XWF Legend
Posts: 4722
Registered: Jan 2005 |
 Posted January 30th, 2010 10:57 PM IP   
Aidan Collins stars in:
GUIDO SHORE
(I'm the Bliz, get me out of here!)
- - - -
As much as I like to deny the fact for the sake of boosting my ego, I will always hold inherent ties to wrestling. It's as part of me as the green in my irises and it's something I can't help, sort of like when those pretty green eyes of mine reel the bitties in, it just happens. I was born to wrestle and God gave me talent that few in the industry can even claim to parallel. This doesn't mean that I would cease to exist without wrestling, I have plenty of life-sustaining talents and those are very well documented. Like my model good looks, unmatchable skill at acting, the way I'm a master at seduction, you get the deal. I was given the advantage of being born awesome and I love doing those things and being good at doing them. Nothing matches the enthralling drama of wrestling, though. What I mean is that I love the thrill of physical competition, the plight of fight. The bruises, sprains, and shattered bones aren't nearly as desirable but the potential of sustaining them adds a sense of danger and excitement that I can't exactly disdain. I hate the daily grind and I hate the travel the most.... but the moment of actually competing is one of my only true loves.
Yeah, yeah, Mrs. Gambino, you can be number two if that floats your boat.
When James Raven called me up and asked me if I had any interest in wrestling one match at Snow Job, I couldn't just help myself. Though I can't see myself returning on a full-time basis, I'm going to love getting out there and fighting in front of a packed arena. Bigg Rigg is someone who has gotten the best of me in year's past and battling him is something that I'm totally looking forward to. Especially because he's a washed-up clown that couldn't go toe-to-toe with me even if he was having the greatest match of his life while I was having my worst. It's an easy win, an easy check in the mail, and I get to satisfy my addiction to competition without risking anything other than having that old fuck crap on me when I plant him with the Ice Pick.
But to get back in the scene for all of you captivated by story, right now I'm sitting in the lobby of my shoulder specialist's office waiting for him to give me the results of precautionary testing. If you remember back to X, when Lee Stone popped my shoulder out of it's goddamn socket, you'll understand why I'm being careful about it. It feels fine but comfort isn't always the best indicator of health. I figure that it's a little fucked up but nothing that won't sustain one match. I mean, I did make a little return sometime between X and now and it was fine for that. Fine enough to whoop Centurion's ass for the eighth time, at least.
The office is pretty empty save for a receptionist who I presume is browsing facebook and a wall-mounted HD television that broadcasts some bullshit soap opera that I have no interest in watching. I'd change it but the opportunity cost of actually having to get up would make the entire action redundant. So instead, I patiently wait for five moments before the receptionist calls my name. I rise and walk up to her.
“I'm Aidan,” I say with a grin across my face. “But you probably know that already.”
“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”
Now, she's only a 9 in my books but, what can I say, I enjoy the power that I have over women. I'm sure the women of the XWF would deny my appeal in order to seem stronger emotionally, they almost have to because they're competing in a man's sport, but let's be honest here. There isn't a single gal in the back that wouldn't love thirty minutes in paradise and that's what getting with me is.
“You know, I love how you guys have soap operas on, they're my fav,” I say sarcastically. She only reacts mildly which confuses me because I'm cute as fuck.
“Do you know Alicia Feldon?”
That question catches me a bit off guard. “Should I?”
“Oh, never mind then. Dr. Young can see you now.”
Her sudden change is a bit offsetting but I assume Alicia Feldon has something to do with that. Probably some broad I banged back in the day. Whatev, I'll melt this ice queen some other time. Or maybe not, there's no strings attached and it's not like I wouldn't be doing this ho a favor anyway.
I walk into the doctor's office where he's already standing at the illuminated board, looking at my X-Ray.
“Ah, Aidan, nice to see you,” he says, offering out his hand for a handshake.
I oblige and shake his hand. “What's up, Doc.”
“Just looking at your scan. We have to talk about your situation.”
I look at the board and pretend to know what he's talking about. “Yeah, that does appear to be an arm on the board, haha.”
“What I meant is that there seems to be an issue with the scan.”
I'm intrigued by what he means. “Huh?”
“You see right here,” he says while pointing at a dark section on the X-Ray of my shoulder. “That's not good, Aidan.”
“How 'not good'?”
“Aidan, it's hard for me to say. If it gets any worse there's only one option.”
Alright, this sounds bad. One option? Like what, surgery? Fuck, that would really blow. Not that I would be hating at the prospect of getting some Vicodin afterwards and it's not like I'd have to pay for it, I have some pretty boss insurance.
“Now, what I'm about to tell you sounds worse than it is...” He pauses and looks me straight in the eyes. “Aidan, I'm talking about amputation....”
Amputation?
Amputation.
Amputation?
Oh, God, I think I'm passing out.
- - - -
Spinning. Sprinting. Fading. Blinking. Rise.
- - - -
Aidan awakes into consciousness slowly but comfortably. The satin sheets below him are soft and he opens his eyes slowly, a yawn stretching his mouth. He rolls over to his side from his back and extends his arms across the bed to spread out and become more comfortable. To his surprise, his left arm makes contact with something.
That something is a young woman resting besides him. This amuses Aidan and he pulls the sheets up a little to examine her physical condition.
“Ugh, a little on the chubber side... Nice tit-tayyyys though.” Aidan thinks to himself before starting to analyze the conditions around him. He's never been in this home before but waking up in new places isn't exactly a foreign experience for him. Criticize him as you will but there's been many nights in his history as an adult where he's awakened in a new place next to a new girl, for better or worse.
Aidan finds a pair of jeans and a tee shirt on the ground and discretely slips out of the bed to put them on. He finds the shirt a bit tight but gives no second thought to it, worrying more about escaping this strange place.
“I must have been really hammered last night,” he whispers to himself while sneaking out of the room. Making sure not to make any noise on the wooden floor, he tiptoes his way across the bedroom and to a hallway where a staircase leads downstairs. He pays no attention to the other rooms around him and stealthfully makes his way down to the first floor. As soon as he takes his first step on the ground floor, though, he is startled by a large noise.
“Ayyyyyyyy!”
Aidan finds himself in front of a group people who jeer and holler at him. The surprise of the noise only temporarily frightens him as he almost immediately recognizes the faces around him.
DJ Pauly D, Situation, Ronny, JWoww, Sammi, and Vinny...
It's the cast of “Jersey Shore”!
“Oh, haha, this can't be real life. This is a dream and a very strange one at that,” thought Bliz, a wide Cheshire grin spreading across his mouth.
But then a swift dose of reality hit his nostrils.
The stench of AXE body spray was so strong that it could knock a junkyard dog off of its feet. It was then Bliz realized that this wasn't a dream for dreams do not have smells.
“Yo, Bliz, what's da matta?” asked Situation in sincere concern.
“Um...” Bliz is unsure on how to handle this.
Pauly throws up his arms and laughs. “I guess Snookers did something to his mouth and now he can't talk!”
The entire group oohs and ahhs the joke, laughing at Aidan's misfortune.
“Ah, we're just playing with you, you braggiole!” Ronny states enthusiastically. “Now get your ass to the breakfast table and grab some food before I have to kick yo' ass.”
The amount of confusion for Bliz rivals any other moment in his entire life. Even back to when he was 4 and saw two monkeys engaging in intercourse at the Bronx Zoo. Even back to when he was 24 and he saw two monkeys and one Zach Rizza engaging in intercourse backstage a couple of years ago. Alright that really didn't happen, he was 7 the first time he went to the Bronx Zoo.
Maybe caught in shock, Aidan obliges with Ronny's request, if you want to call it that. He sits down at the breakfast table and is immediately graced with a big plate of tater tots and pancakes.
“So here's the situation. Situation woke up and thought that there might be a situation because there was no food cooked. And it's a situation for Situation if he can't get his eat on when Situation wants to. So I mades myself some food and made all of you guys some food so it ain't no situation. Because I'm the man of the house you know.” Mike talks with a sheepish grin on his face.
JWoww rolls her eyes. “Yeah, whatever.”
“Don't hate, Situationate.”
Aidan quickly realizes that he has but one option. And that option is to make like Jennifer Wilbanks and flee this reception. Bursting into a sprint, Aidan quickly runs past the group of confused housemates and through the open front door. His legs moving as fast as they ever have, he is determined for freedom and makes gallant strides on the porch towards the stairs.
The sound of Aidan crashing into an invisible wall is thunderous.
Confused and slightly injured, Aidan examines the area in front of him with his eyes , hoping to find what he crashed into, and finds nothing. Vinny rushes around the corner and helps Aidan up.
“Oh, I see you've hit the wall,” Vinny presumes. “It shocked me the first time I hit it to.”
“What is this place?”
Vinny looks around the corner to see if he's being watched. “I don't know, man. I was chilling out one weekend and I saw an ad to join a television show. I thought that might be a wise so I decided to audition. I had to sign a waiver to interview and, there must have been something else written on the form about what they could do to me because I passed out halfway through the interview, only to find myself here.”
“So, we're all trapped here?” Aidan asks confusingly.
“Not everybody, I'm the only one like you.”
Aidan still doesn't comprehend the magnitude of what is going on. “Dude, honestly, what the fuck is going on here?”
“If I had more information, I would give it to you. Honestly I'm only in the know as much as you, though.” Vinny sighs. “Don't get me wrong, I'm Italian but these people are monsters. They're completely vain and any semblance of intelligence that they might have had is drowned in spray tan. I don't know why I was left in this place but it's my own personal hell. And as far as they go, I don't even know if they're human. They act like it's a TV show and refuse to admit any strange occurrences. I think they're MTV made robots or something. On the bright side, as soon as the summer passes, I see no reason for us to keep us there.”
Aidan shakes his head. “I don't have that time. How would I even make it that far?”
“I just try to have fun,” Vinny explained. “It helps me forget how much I really would enjoy killing myself.”
“We need to get out of here.” Aidan refuses to tacitly consent to this bullshit.
Vinny shook his head. “I just don't know how possible that is, man... Here, let's go back inside before anyone gets suspicious. You have a little cut on your forehead, we have to get a band-aid on that anyways.”
Aidan gets up and they both head inside.
“Yo, nice dome, bro.” Ronny is the first to notice Aidan's cut.
After helping him patch up the wound with a band-aid, JWoww pulls out a mirror from in between her cleavage and shows Aidan the damage.
Aidan is shocked by what he sees in the mirror. “WHAT THE FUCK IS ON MY HEAD?” he exclaims with exuberance.
In the mirror, Aidan looks mostly normal, save for the awkward appearance of his hair. Held together by a thick bond of hair gel, Aidan's hair rises a solid six inches into the air above his head. Ladies and gentlemen, the blowout.
“Yeah, it looks like you have a situation where your hair situation can no longer attempt to rival the situation on the Situation's situation.”
It was at this point that Aidan knew two things:
1)However long it's going to take for him to get out of here is not long enough
2)Situation may be mildly or completely retarded.
(OOC: Yeah, I'm busy... Will have the amazing ending to this masterpiece up sometime during the week.)
Quote:
T Money wrote:
Yes, and I will be very afraid. Not for my safety obviously because you're a bitch, but for your health because a fat alcoholic in a trench coat in the summer can be dangerous. So please dress accordingly and bring lots of water, weirdo.
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